Pastel Snakes

surrender to the unknown

I’ve been solo-parenting and posting this past the last full moon while the next one is waxing. These notes from winter dormancy accompany paintings made during an in-between time in North Carolina. Time is non-linear. May the shedding of empire continue. Snake year continues to reveal so much.

Solstice is for pulling the sun back to Earth.

A focus on the light, the sun, the Son

is scorching the planet.

The work is to cool

propagate, cover, water, shade

cultures of divine balance between light and dark.

Two of the same expressions

one entity

snakes ~ the fear, unknown

shedding pretenses, pretention

truth is revealing,

truth is changing.

Goddess is change

We can’t force this shedding, the transmutation, either.

All will unfold in its time.

Allow, reveal, shift, move.

Pastel Snakes, 2006, oil on paper. A small painting from a dream I had that helped dispel my phobia of snakes. Their cuteness and color disarmed me.

Edging at human relation, connection, construction, supremacy, sexuality -

I know nothing, again.

I’m wide-eyed, poised, watching, listening.

Saying the thing that feels off over there,

saying the thing direct, no filter.

Slow down to imagine its impact; soften, speak truthfully, pause.

Breathe before beginning again.

Self Portrait 3, 2007, oil on paper. Sarita at the precipice of the unknown. Staying in-between places at a friend’s home, painting some sites and waiting for what’s to come. I loved this shirt.

Loving myself means seeing big picture patchwork ~ weave

some stitches are pulling

my water table is high

juicy, generative polyrhythms

melting

my sensitivity barometer

went off to be told what I’m feeling is wrong.

Mint Baño, 2006, oil on paper. The fake yellow flowers and bathmat brought visual bliss to me daily. Moments to breathe deep, refresh.

Talk real, really

another white intellectual man explaining the world?

Your nose points in one direction;

our truths are serpentine.

This winter I run through speedy thoughts and surrender to feeling it all.

Slipping into grief again

with cushions of compassion.

It might seem to be a story with a sad ending

but that’s only this phase or that chapter.

See big! Open up.

What else nudged me to a place post-bullshit.

Christianity, violence, ICE

Paving the ponds of life

they fear the unknown.

But there’s a leak in the street.

The estuary, swamp, lake seeps through.

The plan’s not working.

Moisture pulls us back into remembering

how much came before

this iteration built on lies

from wealthy European patriarchs

manipulating religious shame for greed

with closeted cocks under frocks

wanting to control Earth, brown body, women, desire, knowledge

or so they thought, so they think.

Powder Room, 2006, oil on paper cut-outs. This was a friend’s bathroom that felt so fresh. A southern charm, for sure.

I feel into

the edge of my being ~ brain

this extreme sensitivity

can cloud balanced vision,

or reveals true feelings.

They swell and the swale becomes

barriers to friendship, kinship.

Or is it protecting me?

Walking along borderlands

between oversharing and avoidance.

Sensing through darkness

for connection.

Why does everything feel so strong?

Carrboro Goats, 2007, oil on paper cut-outs. I think these were Sammy Slade’s goats? Loungin, wandering, climbing on cars. These bricks were satisfying to paint.

From the Odu:

Surrender intellect; listen to heart.

Go off of feeling.

Close the cycle, completion.

Open heart and ancestors will guide you (things will get finished)

Life, death, transformation, rebirth.

An interdimensional portal

shows not what looks most logical.

The heart sees what the mind does not.

Openness of heart allows for efficiency.

Surrender intellect; listen to heart.

Go off of feeling.

Orange Wall, 2005, oil on paper cut-outs. Dazzling color schemes and juxtaposed patterns never cease to bring me bliss. The lob-lolly pines in the background say hi.

The solution to the problem involves community.

Make an offering, be present with words. Speak honestly from the heart.

Let go.

Remove the block so opening can allow the heart to flow forth.

Snakes move in unexpected directions

pulling the past into the present

forming futures from fluidity

A masculine aesthetic; Josh lived here (future boyfriend) before Chris did (past boyfriend). Wild that they inhabited the same room, with remnants from one adorning the space of the other. I loved these curtain prints and night painting.

Fuck a patriarchal police state.

Long live the beings of Earth.

Moving between day and night.

between plant and animal worlds.

Seeping like water: turn, gather, run.

Sink this colonial nightmare

six centuries in the making.

The mysteries are revelatory

the snake is medicine.